A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Internets

So I don’t know if you are aware, dear readers, but there is a quirk in the Gmail programming, whereby [email protected] is sometimes treated the same as [email protected]. Since I have a fairly common name, I get a lot of misdirected e-mail. Usually these e-mails are fairly trivial. Until recently, that is.

You see, another person with my name has been making a rash of very interesting purchases. It started with swords and knives. A lot of them. But whatever, I know a lot of people who are into cosplay, so I shrugged it off. But then he started buying lock picks, pepper spray, shot gun blanks, alarm detectors, a catalogue for people who like to modify their guns, trip wires, and–of all things–a subscription to Ashley Madison (the website for married folks looking to have an affair).

Now, there is nothing illegal about what he is buying, as far as I can tell. But as these order forms poured in, one after another, hour after hour, I didn’t know what to think. Strange, yes. Illegal, no.

But, being the nosy person I am, I did a little internet research using his name, his address, and his phone number (all found in the e-mails). The more I learned abou him, the more I started coming up with all these fears, ideas, and worries. Should I tell someone? Should I mind my own business? Who would I tell? What would I say? I can’t e-mail him, because it’ll bounce back to me. I can’t call him because, well, I don’t want that guy having my number.

It’s been an interesting 100 hours or so. At best, I’ve come up with a story idea based on this. At worst, well, I’m keeping my eye on that area of the country just in case.

But you want to know what the weird part is? He’s not even the weirdest Eric Christensen. That award goes to Seattle’s own, who killed and dismembered his girlfriend because he claimed she was a warlock. Turns out, he was just a crazy bastard.